Upset because I allowed myself to care after one day. Always wanting the ones I can’t have. 

I always see the good in people and I’m always willing to save them. I’m not the type of person to be selfish, I’m as selfless as selfless can get. I never stay mad, and I forgive too easily. I love more than am I loved and I wallow in sadness when I get struck too hard with pain.

sexual post

//

i found out that i like to ride and i like going slow

and i don’t like my hair being pulled 

I went to LA and I hung out with a guy who I throughly enjoyed being around. I’ve always felt older than my age and more mature than those around me, but being young people tend to look over you and disregard your opinion. Him being a couple years older than me really took the time to learn about me and ask me questions about my past and what I aspire to be. I shared with him more than I have ever shared with a friend in just one day. Something about being around him felt light and I wasn’t afraid to be myself. Although I was a little nervous.. his eyes were beautiful. We talked about life, our goals, laughed over silly vine videos and he enlightened me about issues that sparked his curiosity. We ate at this adorable cafe, and it was just a blissful feeling. Encounters like that are very rare, and I really tried to take advantage of the time I spent with him because I don’t think we’re ever going to see eachother again. He thinks I’m too young and there’s nothing special about me. I adored his whole aura in the most platonic way. I didn’t have any hopes of sparking anything with him but it was nice to have someone to talk to on topics you don’t usually get to talk about to anyone. It’s situations like this that make you insecure all over again because you realize you aren’t the slightest appealing to someone as they are to you. 

Date a girl who has been crazy. Because most likely, she wouldn’t be so much again that it would be too much to take in. Date a girl who had a series of mental breakdowns in her teens, maybe an overbearing biological father whose face she can’t remember. Date a girl who has ran away mid-argument with her lover, stood at the edge of a cliff, wiggling her toes at the view. Date a girl who’s been in love, madly and passionately, who’s old lover loved her, too. Because you’ll want to date a girl who knows how to love, without the painful adolescence and severe naivete.

 Disregard her spontaneous moments of silence, the fleeting moments of maybe-awkward but really, she’s just happy with current clarity. Date a girl who has taken a string of exotic, unrewarding lovers. Maybe-not fucked the entire world but has been in all ugly remarks muttered under breaths of people who just did not know or take the time to. Date that girl because when she blinks, her eyelids are heavier and her movements will be slow. She won’t take offense easily, and she won’t have a mind too narrowed— she’ll argue less, anger less, and take for granted, less. And it’ll seem like she’s disclosing too much sometimes, but probably not because she knows better. There’s too much for her to share, but she’ll want to. And she will if you just ask. She won’t expect romantic endings, or for any ending at all, just yet. Just this lovely, wonderful, all-enveloping lust, in the sweet simple, objective, declarative present. It would do for now.

 Date a girl who’s been hurt, least to say because you know she’s survived “the storm”, “conquered the waves” or whatever metaphor have you. And don’t let your heart sink when you think she’s still reminiscent, when she displays near nostalgia for what used to be in her life. Because most likely, she’ll be happy that you’re here, now. And for her to let anyone close enough to share one milliliter’th of space and breath— well, you’ll get it, later.

 But date her because she’ll try and if there’s room for effort, there’s room for growth and she’ll love you. And she’ll love you.. and there’ll be no amount of explanation that will come close to describe it. And whether or not you fall in love with her, or for however long amount of time— it’ll be okay, too. Because she’ll find reasons to always be okay. Just tread softly when you walk away and be kind. She’ll probably always be thankful of the time you stayed.